Crafting an Introspective Sugar Rush: 'how i’m feeling now' Album Review
By Owen Tait
Charli XCX is no stranger to the experimental. Her 2017 project Pop 2 boasted numerous tracks that ventured into glitchy, noisy territory, and last year’s Charli certainly had its weird side, with cuts such as “Click” and “Thoughts” providing plenty of crushed drums and overblown climaxes for fans to chew on. When Charli announced an upcoming record made entirely in isolation due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I was expecting pretty much just more of the same (which, keep in mind, wasn’t necessarily a bad thing). However, as Charli began to release singles through a collaborative process that kept her fans involved, I was blown away by what I was hearing.
While her music still definitely falls under the pop umbrella, Charli delivered singles pitched through a lens of noise, distortion, and electronic music. “Forever” and “claws” featured lyrics about both the melancholy and blissful moments within romantic relationships, while “i finally understand” focused on Charli’s battle with her own mental health and self-doubts. Very quickly, I felt as if I was getting a good picture of what the album was going to be about and sound like, and for the most part, Charli delivered as expected—all while exceeding my every expectation. Perhaps her most intimate and close-quarters project yet, how i’m feeling now is an air-tight sugar rush consisting of songs about love, isolation, and the desire to live one’s best life.
Considering that Charli wrote the majority of this album while quarantined with her long-time boyfriend, it’s no surprise that many of the tracks here revolve around their relationship, and some even comment on the way social distancing has impacted their understanding of each other. For example, the song “7 years” looks at how far Charli and her boyfriend have come and the emotional progress they’ve made with each other. Lyrics such as “I used to live inside a lie with you / And now we’re honest and it feels so good” demonstrate Charli’s honesty with herself about how her relationship has evolved, and it’s a refreshing moment that made me genuinely happy for her. Meanwhile, the songs “detonate” and “enemy,” analyze Charli’s struggle with her emotional and physical proximity to her significant other with the latter serving as a definitive high point on the tracklist.
“enemy,” a track led by a nostalgic synth bass and an arsenal of soaring, fleeting synths, plays on the saying “keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” Lyrically, Charli realizes that her emotional vulnerability with her boyfriend could become her downfall should their relationship ever turn hostile, implying that he’s so close to her that he could do serious damage to her heart. She spends the rest of the song exorcising these anxieties, and the closing lyric “Can you reach me?” beautifully sums up her dilemma; on one hand, she wants someone close enough to count on and love, but on the other, she worries they might get too close and break down the emotional barrier she’s put up.
It’s introspective moments such as these that make the album so emotionally captivating, but that doesn’t mean the project is without its bangers. The intro track “pink diamond” is a hard-as-nails, nocturnal cut that pulls no punches and reflects the nightlife that people enjoyed prior to the pandemic. Screaming synth chords and lasers fill the back half of the instrumental, and a crushed-to-hell drum breakdown closes it out in style. “c2.0,” a wonky reimagining of 2019’s “Click,” sees head producer A.G. Cook chopping singer Kim Petras’ contribution to the original track into a cute, dreamy set of background vocals. Meanwhile, Charli laments about missing her friends and the memories they have together—a sentiment that plays into how most people are feeling right about now.
As yet another track containing elements of noise and EDM, “anthems” easily lives up to its name, sounding like something out of a college party movie or a promotional video for a music festival. Charli once again reminisces about the way life used to be, comparing it to the mundane nature of quarantine and how it has affected her personal drive. She also shares hope that her friendships will benefit from the time apart, arguing that “when it’s over / we might be even closer.” It’s a reassuring thought, and the high-stakes nature of the track left me in a state of euphoria (which was only heightened by the surreal trip presented by “visions,” the following and final track).
To be honest, there aren’t any major problems I have with this album. In my opinion, there is one minor dud in the tracklist that never quite reaches a satisfying climax (I’ll let you figure out which track I’m referring to, considering it’s the only one I haven’t mentioned so far). Regardless, the project as a whole is super tight and flows really well, the lyrics are catchy and carried by earworm melodies, and the production fully embraces the strange, pushing Charli’s pop songwriting towards pure innovation. It’s a truly inventive, one-of-a-kind project, written from physical isolation yet engineered digitally by a powerhouse team. The emotional moments hit, the bangers certainly don’t miss either, and Charli seems to be as vulnerable as ever, making how i’m feeling now my current frontrunner for album of the year. I can only hope that the future of pop music is this imaginative, forward-thinking, and downright fun.
Favorite Tracks:
forever
enemy
anthems
Rating: 9
Listen to how i’m feeling now here:
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